Jana says: Don't want to interrupt but must warn you: Shoot 'Em Up is the worst movie I have ever seen!

Jen Star says: Nooo!
Jen Star says: Really?
Jana says: Yesssssssss.
Jen Star says: How come?
Jana says: We just came out of it.
Jana says: Laughably awful, inconsistent, offensive, violent, clueless, pointless, plotless.
Jana says: We NEARLY left.
Jana says: But stuck it out.
Jen Star says: But . . . Clive!
Jana says: Oh it's awful!
Jana says: I know!!!!!
Jana says: Clive!
Jen Star says: But. . . .
Jana says: Two or three great close up shots of him.
Jen Star says: Is this the one he was doing in Toronto?
Jana says: Yes.
Jana says: Lots of shots of Toronto.
Jen Star says: But . . .
Jen Star says: But, Clive.
Jana says: Including one of Clive walking under the Gardiner—same shot as our [name redacted] image!
Jana says: Had to warn you.
Jana says: Save your $10.
Jana says: OR . . . go in pre-warned.
Jen Star says: So it's like Derailed and that one he did with Angelina all over again?
Jana says: Worse.
Jen Star says: Thanks for the warning! It really feels like he'll do anything for the right $$, eh?
Jana says: Seems so.
Jana says: I mean, the script is awful too!
Jen Star says: Not campy?
Jen Star says: Intentionally, that is?
Jana says: Yes it is.
Jana says: But not effectively.
Jana says: Supposed to be cartoonish fun.
Jana says: But it's not fun.
Jen Star says: How disappointing.
Jana says: It's not just mindless fun.
Jana says: It's mindless awfulness.
Jen Star says: Thank God he's so ridiculously hot.
Jana says: lol
Jen Star says: Or there might be trouble in that career of his.

(I wrote this on the train, which seems to be my habit lately. I've got a book in my bag but it's way too historical fiction-y for me to read while I'm listening to my dozens of new albums. Alas, alack.

There is a woman in her mid-20s sitting near me that has tweezed her eyebrows completely away on the outside of her face and then pencilled them in to resemble Vulcan brows. And they are at least as thick as Nimoy's, which is just plain strange.)

So I went to see Knocked Up over the holiday weekend. It was freaking awesome! I laughed and giggled and snickered my way through the entire movie. I think it was the first time my neighbour C has accompanied me to that kind of movie, as I usually take my lower-brow friends to the movies that have a 2:1 "fuck" to any other word in the English language ratio. But she seemed to enjoy it, so now she'll have to come with me to Superbad.

It turns out that a bunch of my colleagues saw it over the weekend too, so that meant that we were able to put the office-favourite "that's what she said" on hold for a day or two to recite quotes to one another.

(Okay, Honest Again from the Aliens just came on my iPod and I'm totally digging it! How Boston of them!)

On Friday C and I went to see Ocean's Thirteen. I never expect to like the Ocean's movies, and every time a new one comes out and I see it and like it. I didn't remember any of the characters—I know Vincent Cassel from his role as the duc d'Anjou in Elizabeth, not from this franchise, tho he was apparently in the last movie. Eddie Izzard was in the last one too? Huh. Who knew?—but enjoy the movie, mostly because I can see that the actors are enjoying themselves so much.

(Okay, now Peter, Bjorn and John's The Chills is playing. Great stuff.)

That said, I think it was the preview for The Bourne Ultimatum that excited me the most. And Ellen Barkin should a) kill the plastic surgeon that made her boob job so noticeable, and b) kill the dressmaker that allowed the top of her fake boobs to be so noticeable in the seduction scene. It killed the romance faster than Linus's fake nose.

For some reason, this conversation struck me as funny. There is a bit of background, of course. See, Alan thinks that it's a bad reflection of my moral and intellectual character that I watch Survivor. He also thinks that it's bizarre that I enjoy listening to a movie when I'm working. So, when I mentioned that I was listening to Back to the Future this morning, it apparently made an impression:

Alan says: I didn't want to interrupt Back to the Future today.
Jen says: It's only an hour and a half. I was done in plenty of time to watch the Amazing Race webcast at 1.
Alan says: I don't even know if you are being funny.
Jen says: Not intentionally.

(I just turned on Zoolander. Damn, I could listen to that movie all day.)

I have been such a terrible correspondent lately. It’s not that I love my entertainment any less, it’s just been a busy time for me, both personally and creatively. Family sorrow marked the holidays (read my Robert Altman tribute and you’ll probably get the gist of it). That was followed by my annual Major Work Project during the day, and my Brand New Love of Acrylic Paint/Awesome Rebel SLR Digital Experimentation at night. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even had a chance to play with my new pen-as-mouse pad I got so I can start animating things in Flash.

I’m feeling very artistic right now, which I haven’t in years. I can directly correlate my downturn in creative art to my increased involvement in writing, so it makes sense that my writing is suffering as I rediscover how to hold a paint brush. I will endeavour to keep up a bit more, though, as I have seen and heard a great many things in the last couple months that are worth writing about.

Let’s start with Babel. My neighbour C and I went to see it New Year's Eve, and by the end of the movie I wanted to kill myself. What a downer! I thought the editing and acting were fantastic, but the story was just one giant buzzkill. I am willing to accept that (spoilers ahoy!) a couple could lose a child to SIDS, then decide to go to Morocco to get over that loss (even though the wife hates germs and filth of any kind. Maybe all the flights to Paris were booked?), then get shot by some kids playing a prank. It doesn’t happen all the time, but at least it’s not inconceivable. But that that same couple’s young children would be taken to Mexico, then driven home by a drunk who hates authority, and abandoned in the desert to fend for themselves? Come on. That’s a lot to swallow—too much to make the story believable.

Of course, I saw The Holiday a couple of weeks ago and really liked it. So perhaps my opinions shouldn’t weigh all that strongly.

I’m watching: Deadwood. Hoo, doggy, am I in love with this show! History Television has been running this series uncut since the fall, and I PVR’d it this last go-round. Why did nobody tell me that Timothy Olypant was in this series? I love Timothy Olypant! Also, Trixie and Sol rock my world.

I’m listening to: Good lordy, what aren’t I listening to? I’ve been on a bit of a folk run lately, as I gear up for my trip to Scotland in the spring. So, a little kilt-and-bonnet action (I finally know the tune to Johnny Cope), mixed in with some bluegrassy-folk like Gillian Welch and Abigail Washburn, and some UK folk like Cara Dillon. I also picked up the new Arcade Fire album this morning (shhh! . . .) Maybe with this album, I’ll finally understand what all the hype is about.

I was struck by how sad I was today when I heard about the passing of Robert Altman. He directed my favourite movie (Gosford Park), and since Short Cuts, I'd considered him one of the most unique directors I'd encountered. I haven't watched any of his other movies, but I plan to, over the course of time.

In a way he reminds me of an older relative. He had grown frail in the last few years, and though I knew he was ailing, I expected him to always be there. And I know I should have paid more attention to his stories while he was still around, because now that he's gone, there will be no more long family sagas told over a game of cards in the dining room. His voice is now gone forever.

Rest in peace, Robert.

So I saw two movies over the weekend: X-Men: The Last Stand and The Break-Up. One was much better than the critics said it would be, and the other was just as terrible as they claimed.

Like any geek, I enjoy a good comic-based movie. As a kid I never read any comics beyond Archie (man, I miss those stories!), so I didn't know all that much about X-Men that I didn't pick up from exes who watched the cartoon on Saturday mornings. I loved the first movie and enjoyed the second, but each of them seemed to drag and delve into mythology I wasn't familiar with. But this one just went for it. The action sequences were awesome, and the pacing was much better than the last two movies. I was shocked at the body count and flabbergasted at who all got hit with the "cure." And the ending left me with much to talk about with Elena on the short drive home. I understand that xmenophiles may be turned off by the lack of continuity between the movie and the comics, but I didn't mind it one bit. In fact, I dug it a lot.

The Break-Up, on the other hand, was very, very, very, horribly, very, fan-fucking-tastically bad. It was like an episode of Friends, except way less funny. I can't decide if Vincent D'Onofrio, who was cast rather brilliantly as Vince Vaughan's older brother, was playing his character as affected, or is just affected himself these days. Either way, he made me cringe every time he stumbled and stuttered through his lines.

The entire movie felt like the filmmakers only took one take. If Judy Davis flubs her line, just work around it. If Vince's timing is off, too bad. If the chemistry isn't there, get them to date in real life. If the story makes no sense, just slap it together and throw it onto the big screen. It was very unimpressive.

I'm listening to: I picked up two new albums this week: The Avett Brothers's Four Thieves Gone: The Robbinsville Sessions, which is kind of (ahem) country, but in a fun, Spirit of the West kind of way. There's a song called "Pretend Love" that I'm going to try my best to get my friend Jalapeno to play for the first dance at her wedding. I also finally picked up Amy Millan's Honey from the Tombs, which, somewhat coincidentally, is also a little bit country.

I swear, I don't like country!

Since the TV season is over, I've been looking for new shows to keep me occupied this summer. E at work told me that Extras was starting on CH tonight, so I was able to start recording that. Also, I discovered that they're playing Married . . . With Children on CMT.

Good God, I love Married . . . With Children. It was the first adult sitcom I watched as a kid. I remember listening to it on the radio on Global (we got Global on the radio at my house) on Sunday nights at 9, after I was supposed to be asleep. Then I got old enough to watch it on television (woah!), and so I did. For years. And then when it came on CFMT at 6 p.m., I watched it before dinner.

And then The Simpsons took over its timeslot, and the show was cancelled.

It's been 10 years since I'd seen an episode, and I'd forgotten how much I love it. So now it's Al and Peggy and Bud and especially Kelly, once a day until I've seen every episode all over again.

I'm listening to: The Raconteurs' Broken Boy Soldiers. It's pretty cool. I guess my love for Brendan Benson outweighs my disdain for Jack White.

I'm watching: My neighbour C brought over Transamerica. Felicity Huffman was amazing, and the story was very compelling. And Kevin Zegers was all kinds of naked. He's from Woodstock, of all places. I've known a few guys from Woodstock, and they're all hot. I must visit more often. . . .

The month is slipping away from me. I've been on vacation since Wednesday, and have been keeping blissfully away from my computer. But since it's 10 degrees out there today (on Victoria Day, natch), I suppose I have time to get back online and tell y'all what I've been up to.

Flash back two weeks to Saturday the 6th. I told you I was going to watch Akeelah and the Bee with Elena. We did not. Instead, we got Dairy Queen and rented Derailed. It was terrible. We turned it off after about an hour, and in doing so, missed the shocking twist. I was okay with that.

I haven't watched the entire Gilmore Girls season finale yet. I was so unimpressed with the 20 minutes I did see that I can't bring myself to watch the rest. I can't wait to see what the new regime does to this show, because the last two years haven't really been worth watching.

I am thrilled that Veronica Mars made it to the CW Network. Hopefuly Gilmore Girls hasn't alienated too many of its fans, so that Veronica and Company will pickup on some of its lead-in audience.

I finished reading Charlaine Harris's latest two Southern Vampire books. They were good reads, but quick, quick, quick. Only one complaint about the last book, Definitely Dead. Did I miss a novella where Sookie's cousin Hadley died? Because I can't believe that Harris wouldn't write the scenes where Sookie met the Queen of Louisiana for the first time, especially if they took place in the manner described in this book. Very strange.

I've been listening to The Leaves's Angela Test a tonne lately. They sound like the Icelandic version of Coldplay, but that really hasn't stopped me from digging on them a bunch.

And that, pretty much, is that.

Just a quick post today before I head out for the weekend. I finished Marian Keyes' Anybody Out There? and Kelley Armstrong's Broken. Both good reads and both worth shelving Possession for. I think I'm done with that one for the time being.

A couple weeks ago, I watched Happy Endings. I loved it. It made me cry and gave me such a headache that I had to go to bed at 8 p.m. that night. Tonight, Elena and I are going to see Akeelah and the Bee. I'm hoping for good things, even though it's rated G. At least there shouldn't be any teenagers in the theatre to talk through the movie. I hate those meddling kids!

I have decided that I really like The Rosebuds' Birds Make Good Neighbours. I picked up the album a couple months ago, but only recently put it into full rotation. I think "Boxcar" may make my Best Of CD this year.

Wow. I really did have nothing to say. Have a good weekend!

I'm reading, I'm watching movies, I'm listening to music and watching TV. Oh, there are so many things I am doing that I don't even have time to stop and blog, so I must do it at midnight on a Saturday night. It's a crying shame, really it is. To summarize:

I'm watching: I just finished watching the Freaks and Geeks DVD that Elena got me for Christmas. It was just as awesome as I'd hoped. I'd watched two episodes while the show was on the air (or should I say that I watched the last two episodes to make the air), and was pretty sure I'd dig the rest. Now I know why I love Jason Segel's character on How I Met Your Mother. (I'd always assumed it was because Marshall was schtupping Willow.)

I'm also getting ready to start watching Bodies on BBC Canada. I'd heard this was one of the best shows of 2004 (also, Max Beesley), and have been waiting for it to return to BBC so I could check it out. I have it set to tape next Tuesday. Here's hoping it's the first episode, or that I won't be too confused. And season three of Little Britain starts May 18. How fab is that? Only a month and a half until I can again hear middle-aged Welsh mothers say "minge." Dreamy!

Oh! And also South Park. Lots and lots of South Park.

I watched: I went to see Inside Man the other weekend, and I crazy loved it. I love just about anything Clive Owen is in, and I think it was a daring choice to have him playing that role. He's got such a distinctive voice and look, I wondered almost from the beginning how he was going to get out of the bank without anyone noticing him. And then he did, and it was awesome. Jodie did a great job, and so did Denzel. But it was all abut Clive. And he was dreamy. Oh! Spike too, I guess. The direction was groovy and I loved the little slices of humanity thrown in there.

I'm reading: Well, nothing at the moment. But I did finish The Virgin Blue. Very disappointing. Every plot twist was very deliberate. It was like I could hear the author, Tracy Chevalier, sitting in her office, musing aloud, saying, "Now how will I get Ella to Switzerland? Oh! She can boink her French lover, and flee in shame and confusion. Nobody likes that husband of hers. They won't mind." Not so much, Tracy.

I also read Rogue's Wedding, by Terry Griggs. I picked this up as a bargain hardcover at Chapters, and was pretty entertained. Basically, it's about a young man who runs out on his bride on their wedding night in London, Ont. in 1898, and hits nearly every town between there and the northern shores of Lake Huron during his flight. Given that spent my childhood summers in Sauble Beach, reading the book brought back lovely memories. I'm thinking of lending it to my grandfather. I lend books to my grandma all the time, but never to him. He used to own a motel in the Bruce Penninsula, so he might dig the local flavour.

I'm listening to: It's pretty much been nothing but Eisley for a month. Which sucks big time, because now I see on their website that they were in Toronto last week. Dammit, Alan, you're supposed to be getting me to go to concerts this spring! And, no, the Blue Jays don't count.

I've never seen a Woody Allen movie before, and if Match Point is his new gold standard, I won't be seeing one again. For all the hoopla this movie has received, I was expecting a lot from it.

I have to say, I was very disappointed.

The film was moderately suspenseful and I was quite shocked by the lengths in which Jonathan Rhys Meyers went to get rid of the Scarlett Johannson character, but beyond that, there was nothing inspired or profound in this story. (Spoilers ahead!) Boy meets girl. Boy fucks girl. Girl tells him to beat it, so boy marries other girl. Boy meets girl again and fucks her again. She's got nothing going on, so girl goes along with it. Boy tires of girl and kills her. Whoop-de-doo.

I know rather more about opera than the average person, and for most of the time in this movie, I felt like I had a better grasp on it than Woody Allen himself. The duet during the climax? Slightly distracting. Couldn't he have just gone with an interlude or prelude or something? Benjamin Britten's music was written for scenes like that.

Sorry, I know I'm getting incoherent. I started this entry more than a week ago, and it's been a long time since I thought much about it. I guess that's the crux of my indifference towards this film: I was left with nothing to think about when it was over.

I went to see Munich last night. It was really fantastic. I don’t know where Eric Bana’s been all my life, but he’s a great actor! (I never watched The Hulk or Troy, because I have standards, so I think this was my first look at him. He’s yummy.) And Daniel Craig’s quite lovely in a rugged way. He should make a great Bond.

Spielberg is getting a little enamoured with his own skills these days. There was no real reason this movie couldn’t have been shorter. There were a lot of lingering shots, and the suspense of the would-he-authorize-the-hit-or-would-he-puss-out, when we knew he was never going to puss out and leave a half-activated bomb in some hotel room. The carnage was awesome and very effective, and even though the movie was extremely violent, I never felt it was excessive. This is why I find shoot-em-up action films so stupid; there are so many real-life reasons to blow up a building or shoot up a helicopter full of athletes; does it have to be because Vin Diesel’s feelings are hurt? Munich’s violence was all about man’s inhumanity to man, not some special effects team’s inhumanity to a film budget.

I knew nothing about the Munich Massacre before I watched this movie, and doing some research on the movie this morning, I’ve found out that the book the movie is based on, Canadian journalist George Jonas’ Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team, has been largely discredited. Even still, the men targeted for assassination in this film were killed, at the time and in the manner depicted in the movie. If it wasn’t Jonas’ source that pulled the trigger, someone else sure did.

But it wasn’t the facts that I took away from this movie, it was the feeling of hopelessness over what is happening in Israel and Palestine. The Palestinians attacked Israel in Munich, Israeli operatives killed prominent Palestinian leaders, the Palestinians letter-bombed Israeli embassies, and so on and so forth for more than 35 years. Was Israel right to fight murder with murder? Was the United States paying Black September to keep their own agents safe? Did Israel's response to Black September help create even more radical terrorists?

I really don’t know much about the creation of Israel and its significance in the history of the Middle East (as an atheist, it doesn’t hold the significance it does for my religious contemporaries, plus, I never went to university, so I didn’t get much of a world history education), but it seems to me that if another government treated a segment of its population the way Israel treats the Palestinians, the UN would be livid. I don’t know how accurate that perception is, but Munich doesn’t do much to dispel me of that opinion.

Wikipedia’s entry on the Munich Massacre

Haaretz, a Tel-Aviv daily newspaper, questions Spielberg’s use of George Jonas’s book for his movie.

The Nation's David Corn reviews the movie and its themes.

. . . zzz . . . Huh? Wha? Oh. Dr. Lecter; right. Where’s the Mute button? Aah. . . . There appears to be a standing ovation of some sort. If only I hadn’t pressed Mute. . . .

Best Director, Motion Picture
Please not Woody Allen! Where did Peter Jackson go? He so skinny! The Constant Gardener would be nice, but he’s definitely the underdog.
Winner: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain. Maybe I should just give in now and predict they’re winning all their categories. Even though Heath Ledger didn’t open his mouth once for either Jake Gyllenhaal’s sweet, sweet tongue or to enunciate his lines, I’m still gonna predict he wins! Dammit! 6 for 18.

Best Actor, Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Heath Ledger, goddammit! Oh. Well, Joaquin Phoenix then.
Winner: Yay! He looks a little shell-shocked. It’s hard to be the Designated Driver, babe, but stick with it! 7 for 19.

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Third time’s a charm: Walk the Line.
Winner: Walk the Line. Now I’m gettin’ it! 8 for 20. I’m almost at 50%!

Best TV Series, Drama
PleasebeRome, pleasebeRome, pleasedon’tbeLost. Pul-eese!
Winner: What was I just SAYING?!?!??! Fucking Lost. If there weren’t those hotties from Oz on this show, I’d throw this laptop outthewindowrightnow!!!!! 8 for 21.

Best Actress, Motion Picture, Drama
Aaw, I love Gwyn so much. Kick ass, girl!
Winner: Felicity Huffman. Like, duh! 8 for 22.

Best Actor, Motion Picture, Drama
Heath, goddammit. Good lord, this is a tough category. Terrence Howard was great in Hustle & Flow. But Heath. Heath!
Winner: Or, you know, Philip Seymour Hoffman, whatever. 8 for 23

And here we go. . . .

Best Motion Picture, Drama
Brokeback Mountain, even though it wasn’t really the best picture. It was good; better than most films (take, for example, Deuce Bigalo, European Gigilo), but I can’t say it’s the best.
Winner: But who am I to say? Could have been worse. It could have been Lost. 9 for 24. 37.5%—that sounds about right.

Best Actress, TV Comedy
Meh. Mary-Louise Parker, cuz I hate those Housewives.
Winner: Yay! I hear this show is great. What’s her deal, tho? Chris Rock was funny! “Yeah, that was really funny.” Girlfriend is loaded. Pretty dress, tho. For those keeping track at home, that’s the first shout-out to John Spencer. 5 for 10.

Is it wrong that I don’t want to see Pride and Prejudice? It isn’t? Excellent!

Best Actor, Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie
What’s with all the winter white and Victorian frilliness? Kate Beckinsale, you look like a feather! Ed Harris, Empire Falls. I’m not being fooled again.
Winner: For the love of fuck! I can’t win! Wait! Jon Rhys-Myers is Irish? Colour me stunned! 5 for 11.

Best Actress, Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie
Oh, I love me some Kelly MacDonald. She’s lovely. She won’t win, but I really hope she does. Her accent is so fantastic!
Winner: Now Lackawanna Blues wins! Sheesh! S. Epatha Merkerson is a wonderful actress. I have this movie on my Replay. I’m totally watching it now. Well, not right now. You know what I mean. 5 for 12.

Nice beard, Colin Firth. Very roguish! My neighbour C and I are going to see Match Point any time now. I’ve never seen a Woody Allen movie before. I’m hoping I won’t hate it.

Best Screenplay
What’s going on with Harrison Ford’s voice? He's really starting to show his age. Brokeback Mountain, even though it’s going to Crash!
Winner: Wha? I got one? Who knew? Did I mention that I saw this movie? It was lovely. Again, a little heavy-handed, but nice all the same. I don’t care what they say, I love Heath and Michelle together. Matilda is such a lovely baby name. It is original and common at the same time, and screams Aussie. I don’t know why. Tilley hats, maybe?  6 for 13.

Best TV Series, Musical or Comedy
Oh, Jill. That is so not a nice dress. Way too many directions in there. Is it too much to ask for My Name is Earl to win?
Winner: It certainly is. Desperate Housewives. Man, I hate these women. See, Dad, making me watch an E! True Hollywood Story on these woman has only made me more bitter. 6 for 14.

Best Foreign-Language Film
Um, the South African one?
Winner: The Palestinian one, Paradise Now. 6 for 15.

Did Viggo just kiss a man? Sexy!

Original Score
BrokebackMountain?
Winner: John Williams, Memoirs of a Geisha. It’s a shame I already took my shower, cuz we’re in the lull time. 6 for 16. Good lordy.

Original Song
The Producers, of course.
Winner: BrokebackMountain? Really? I suck at predicting things at the spur of the moment. 6 for 17. Is it bedtime yet?

Cecil B. DeMille award. Here we go. Let me blog this part in advance.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s pregnant? I’d have never guessed! Lovely dress. Too bad about the bra-strap slip. Anthony Hopkins has sure been in a lot of movies. "Clarice!" Zzzzz. . . .

To be continued . . .

Don’t bother reading this if you didn’t watch. I’m rambling, not describing.

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Natalie Portman looks lovely with short hair. Is there a look she can’t pull off? Matt Dillon was great in Crash. Even though I thought the movie was very heavy-handed, it’s the only one I’ve seen. So, Dillon.
Winner: Clooney, Syriana. 0 for 1.

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Rachel Weiss looks a little like a female-female impersonator tonight. Wow, she’s preggers. I loved The Constant Gardener, so I’ll pick her.
Winner: Weiss! Yay! 1 for 2.

Aaw! Ryan and Reese together! I hope they never break up. Jinx!

Best Supporting Actor, TV
What a crappy category. No room for supporting actors in a made-for TV commercial in there? Donald Sutherland, I guess, cuz he’s Canadian.
Winner: Paul Newman. Damn, I should never bet against a Newman. 1 for 3.

Best Supporting Actress, TV
Sandra Oh?
Winner: Oh! Awesome! So Canadian, so humble. 2 for 4. 

Drew Barrymore is so not wearing a bra. Oh, hon, your tits are lovely and full, but really? At least wear pasties. Nipples and chiffon really shouldn’t mix.

Best Actress, TV Drama
Nicolette Sheridan looks really rough. Navy blue is not a great colour if you’re gonna stay that brassy blonde, babe. Polly Walker! Oh. I love Rome! Oh, oh, oh! Aaaah!
Winner: Oh, Geena Davis. Fuck. What, no thanking Kyle Secor? Whateva, bitch! 2 for 5.

Best Actor, TV Drama
I read an article where the author went out on a date with Evangeline Lilly when she was “Nikki,” out in B.C. She was boring, the columnist noted. I will always see boring Nikki from B.C. when I look at her now. Well, that and big ankles. (Seriously—check out those bad boys!) Hugh Laurie, because he was on Blackadder.
Winner: Laurie. Excellent. 3 for 6. I’m starting to see a trend here. Hmm.

Oh, no, Melanie Griffith. Stop wearing nude colours! Wear black like your much younger and much lovelier daughter!

Best Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie
Lackawanna Blues, because I live near Lackawanna, NY?
Winner: Empire Falls. Dammit! Will I never learn not to go against Paul Newman? I mean, I just said it 30 minutes ago! 3 for 7.

Best Actor, TV Comedy
Okay, Pamela Anderson is waving at people in the audience. She’s drunk already? Nice. Can I vote for three people? Carell, Braff and Lee? No? Okay, Zach Braff.
Winner: Steve Carell. I can definitely live with that. 3 for 8. I’m starting to see why I never make it to the 50th percentile in the office Oscar pool.

Best Actress, Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Please let it be Reese for Walk the Line. Aaw, Ryan's so mega-cute!
Winner: Reese! She's amazing. I want to be her. 4 for 9.

To be continued . . .

Elena and I went to see Brokeback Mountain on Saturday. It was okay, but not mind-altering or anything. Elena was all, "Oh! Those poor persecuted men! The world is an evil, evil place to be. Sob-sob!", while I was like "Whatevs. Where's the schvanz? I thought this was a gay cowboy movie? The fuck?"

That night, we watched Serenity. Now, I'm as big a Joss Whedon fan as the next rabid fangirl, but I'd never gotten into Firefly. I think I knew it would ba cancelled quickly enough (poor Jewel Staite—two shows in one season!), since it was on Fox, after all. So I vowed I'd watch it eventually. Then I never did.

So I watched Serenity, coming in cold having never seen Firefly. It was okay. Joss is much better suited to TV directing. Too many split-screens. I have much love for Adam Baldwin, so watching him scrap it out in his yellow shirt was fun.

Inrigued enough to give Firefly a chance, I fired up my Replay, and watched the first two-part episode. Damn, the show is much better than the movie.

I'm on episode five.

I'm watching: My fabulous friend Erin on So Chic. Kick some makeover ass, girl!
 
I'm listening to: M. Ward, Transistor Radio and Sufjan Stevens, Seven Swans. I think that Sufjan Stevens is a Christian! He's singing about God!
 
I'm reading: Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris. Adam Ball is making the series into an HBO show. How awesome is that?

Adam Baldwin is so dreamy. . . .

I saw The Constant Gardener last weekend. What a fantastic movie! It’s the perfect movie for this political climate. Even though it’s the British Government and not our friendly neighbours to the south, the message is the same: The Man hates us.

It’s films like these that make me think my sister was right for not vaccinating her kids. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. thinks she’s on the right track. He investigated the increase of autism in kids whose vaccines contained thimerosal, a mercury-based preserving agent. Now that the alarm has been raised in North America, drug companies are shipping their products to developing countries.

While I hope that drug companies aren’t using developing countries as their personal laboratories, I wouldn’t put it past them. The world really is a scary place.

My neighbour and I watched Broken Flowers on Friday night. We'd been planning to see it since the beginning of August, and had been anticipating it for some time before that.

Now that I've seen it, I kinda wish I hadn't.

It's not that it was terrible, or that Bill Murray was awful in it. It was just . . . meh. Nothing really happens, and there were too many pauses in the film to reflect on that fact.

Basically, the premise is this: A reclusive middle-aged man receives an anonymous letter from a former lover claiming that he fathered a son. The reclusive middle-aged man's neighbour convinces him to visit five ex-lovers to see if he can figure out which one wrote the letter.

We see montage after montage of the reclusive middle-aged man getting on and off planes, in and out of Ford Tauruses, and driving up and down the same tree-lined highways. Why? What's so special about these trees? Why is he taking a plane to these locations if they're all along the same stretch of highway?

The movie was also incredibly quiet and was full of giant pauses between scenes, where we faded out, waited three seconds, then started the next scene. During these pauses, I could hear the people in the back row of the theatre eating their popcorn, the guy at the end of the row crinkling a wrapper, the woman up front clearing her throat. My own pop sounded like it was part of the soundtrack when I slid my straw through the lid of my drink.

The ending enjoyed the distinction of being the only unexpected moment in the entire movie, as it happened seemingly during the middle of a scene.

The writer and director of the movie is apparently a Big Man, and I appear to be alone in my opinion, but I'm standing by it.

Especially now that I've seen The Constant Gardener. But more on that later.

I had a quiet couple days this past weekend, which enabled me to catch up on my year-old summer blockbuster viewing. Here, in one sentence or less, is what I thought of some of last year's favourite movies:

So, apparently a printable paper Purple Heart on the Wedding Crashers' website caused such a fuss that the producers had to take it down. It seems that it's a crime to sell or forge a Purple Heart, and people are very sensitive about war medals. Rep. John Salazar of Colorado has even introduced the "Stolen Valor Act," which would make it a crime to lie about being awarded war medals. He praised the producer's decision to take the fake paper medal down in an article on CNN.com. "If any movie-goers take the advice of the 'Wedding Crashers' and try to use fake Purple Hearts to get girls, they may wind up picking up an FBI agent instead."

Um, what movie were you watching, Salazar? They used the Purple Hearts to get free booze at cash bars, not to pick up chicks. That's what the balloon animals and Oprah's Book Club memberships were for. Sheesh!

Fake Purple Heart off 'Crashers' site, from CNN.com

(We're not even gonna get into Americans' inability to laugh at themselves.)