Don’t bother reading this if you didn’t watch. I’m rambling, not describing.

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Natalie Portman looks lovely with short hair. Is there a look she can’t pull off? Matt Dillon was great in Crash. Even though I thought the movie was very heavy-handed, it’s the only one I’ve seen. So, Dillon.
Winner: Clooney, Syriana. 0 for 1.

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Rachel Weiss looks a little like a female-female impersonator tonight. Wow, she’s preggers. I loved The Constant Gardener, so I’ll pick her.
Winner: Weiss! Yay! 1 for 2.

Aaw! Ryan and Reese together! I hope they never break up. Jinx!

Best Supporting Actor, TV
What a crappy category. No room for supporting actors in a made-for TV commercial in there? Donald Sutherland, I guess, cuz he’s Canadian.
Winner: Paul Newman. Damn, I should never bet against a Newman. 1 for 3.

Best Supporting Actress, TV
Sandra Oh?
Winner: Oh! Awesome! So Canadian, so humble. 2 for 4. 

Drew Barrymore is so not wearing a bra. Oh, hon, your tits are lovely and full, but really? At least wear pasties. Nipples and chiffon really shouldn’t mix.

Best Actress, TV Drama
Nicolette Sheridan looks really rough. Navy blue is not a great colour if you’re gonna stay that brassy blonde, babe. Polly Walker! Oh. I love Rome! Oh, oh, oh! Aaaah!
Winner: Oh, Geena Davis. Fuck. What, no thanking Kyle Secor? Whateva, bitch! 2 for 5.

Best Actor, TV Drama
I read an article where the author went out on a date with Evangeline Lilly when she was “Nikki,” out in B.C. She was boring, the columnist noted. I will always see boring Nikki from B.C. when I look at her now. Well, that and big ankles. (Seriously—check out those bad boys!) Hugh Laurie, because he was on Blackadder.
Winner: Laurie. Excellent. 3 for 6. I’m starting to see a trend here. Hmm.

Oh, no, Melanie Griffith. Stop wearing nude colours! Wear black like your much younger and much lovelier daughter!

Best Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie
Lackawanna Blues, because I live near Lackawanna, NY?
Winner: Empire Falls. Dammit! Will I never learn not to go against Paul Newman? I mean, I just said it 30 minutes ago! 3 for 7.

Best Actor, TV Comedy
Okay, Pamela Anderson is waving at people in the audience. She’s drunk already? Nice. Can I vote for three people? Carell, Braff and Lee? No? Okay, Zach Braff.
Winner: Steve Carell. I can definitely live with that. 3 for 8. I’m starting to see why I never make it to the 50th percentile in the office Oscar pool.

Best Actress, Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Please let it be Reese for Walk the Line. Aaw, Ryan's so mega-cute!
Winner: Reese! She's amazing. I want to be her. 4 for 9.

To be continued . . .