Before I get into how obsessed I am with Rome, I want to tell the six-year-olds in my neighbourhood that there is more to superhero life than Batman.

I finally watched Rome this weekend. Wow. I am so very hooked.

The nature of my hooking went a little something like this:

Episode 1: "Not bad. Polly Walker is a long way from mild-but-busty Jane Fairfax in Emma. Too bad there aren't any real cuties here, besides that babe Mark Antony."

Episode 2: "Pullo, you dog! 'I'm going to drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke, and fuck every whore in the city.' Indeed! I hope you and poor Vorenus can still be friends. Mark Antony, stay naked, baby! What's with Octavian? He seems pretty emperor-like. I wish I knew even a little about Roman history, so I knew if I this was all real."

Episode 3: "Wha, What? . . . TVOntario? What the fuck happened to my Rome? Damned Replay didn't tape the right show! Goddammit!"

Episode 4: "Hope I didn't miss anything. What's this? Pompey's retreated and Caesar has Rome? Vorenus's wife is a giant whore? Pullo's stinking rich? Awesome!"

Episode 5: Hmm, this Vorenus is one handsome fellow. All buff and blonde and hairless on his firm little ass. And is that a Scottish accent I heard creeping through? Mmm!"

Episode 6: "'I did not realize until now what a wicked old harpy you are.' Ouch! Kick Atia's ass, Antony!"

Episode 7: "Why didn't Pullo and Vorenus's clothing get more damaged in the shipwreck? We should at least be seeing a cheek here. WTF?"

Episode 8: "Cleopatra is an opium-smoking slut! Ride that bitch, Pullo! Sire Caesar's heir!"

Episode 9: "Eew! Octavia is such a dumbass! And Octavian. What kind of monster boffs his sister just to teach her a lesson about snooping. Eeuch! And, what's this with Pullo and his slave? Shouldn't she be more grateful for his attention? Poor pup. Look at his eyes. He just want to be loved. For a long time. On film."