Liveblogging the TFC match

I’m watching my first soccer game. It’s Music Club tonight and Tim and Alan are heading out to Lal’s after the game, so I figure I may as well see what all the fuss is about. I turn on the TV and the first thing I see is Tim and Alan in a zoom-in on the crowd. (As I keep watching and realize that the swaths of red in the audience are empty seats, I can understand why they panned in on the crazy fanatic section.)

Here are my thoughts, uncensored:

  • I must say that it’s pretty funny to hear the English commentator say “soccer.” He kinda chokes on it a bit.

  • The refs look like they must get quite a workout. Unlike the umps in baseball (the only sport I watch), they’re actually fit! I like the ref’s short-shorts. Very cute! They make his knees look extra nobby.

  • I wonder, did soccer players not get the memo that long hair went out in 1997, or are they cutting-edge on the new long-hair trend?

  • It looks like it will rain. Do they play in the rain or are their cleats lightning magnets?

  • How do the Real Salt Lake players celebrate when they’re playing at home if it’s a dry state?

  • Soccer players are kinda pusses, aren’t they? Just lay on the grass, writhing and whining until the ref gives out a yellow card? How unmanly!

  • Oh, it turns out Utah is not a dry state. Scratch that comment.

  • I wonder if TFC’s choice to wear red shirts was a bad idea. (“He’s dead, Jim.”)

  • The Canadian broadcaster just called it “football.” That must irk the English guy to no end.

  • Do they take commercials?

  • The commentators are now determining that Toronto FC is about three games away from matching a U.K. record for number of hours played without a goal. Alan must be so proud.

  • Ooh! Tussle!

  • Red card for RSL. That’s a pisser. Now let’s see if TFC can score with a one-man advantage.

  • If you’re up a man, shouldn’t you be able to keep the ball on the opponent’s half of the field for more than 40 seconds at a time? One would think, right?

  • The goal is on the ground, TFC; not 45 feet in the air.

  • Hey! They don’t stop the clock when they’re setting stuff up? Or is that what this two minutes added time is?

  • Half time! Nil-nil! (See, I’m getting the lingo down already!)

So far I have to say this is not as boring as I thought. It’s been an hour but it really doesn’t feel like it. I like that they have a 20-minute break at half time as it gave me time to have a shower and order some food. Probably like at the stadium! Minus the shower!

  • Someone on RSL was hurt and needed medical attention and then was fine! What’s up with that? Either you’re hurt or you’re not; stop wasting everyone’s time.

  • Was that a goal?!? Oh, no. Never mind.

  • No, no, fellas. The goal is the thing that guy is protecting, not the wide open space surrounding it.

  • The commentator has to stop saying things like: “This surely is the goal!” It’s just embarrassing after a while.

  • Update: 800 minutes without a goal.

  • Is the TFC coach a ginger? Hee!

  • What the fuck? The guy has a cramp and we all stand around? Putz.

  • Toronto 22 shots at goal, Salt Lake 5. Man, RSL can’t give this game away.

  • Now they’re comparing MLS to the CFL, suggesting that there will at least be a goal in the Argos/Lions game. Hah!

  • Oh YEAH! YEAH! OH YEAH! My pizza’s here!

  • Four minutes left. Let’s see if they can do it! (They can’t.)

And there’s the game. Wow. It must be depressing being a Toronto FC fan.

1 Comment:

  1. alanm said...
    Reasons it's not depressing being a TFC fan:

    1 - It's the only sports enviroment in Toronto that's for grown-ups (save perhaps the Argos but the CFL is boring as hell and doesn't count). Sure you get the odd Jays fan shouting obscenities at the umpire but you don't get 3000 of them singing "If you hate the fucking Mormons clap your hands"

    2 - Getting to know your fellow fans. The wasted guys behind us, the ladies man who always brings a different girl to the game, the retarded guy who always tries to start chants but never manages it.

    3 - The amazing reaction whenever we actually do score a goal. Granted they are few and far between but their has never been a shower of seat cushions at a Leafs game. We still sing "Ohhhhhhhh Danny Dichio, Danny Dichio, Danny Dichio" on the 23rd minute to commemorate the 1st ever goal.

    4 - Being in at the beginning of something that is really going to gain momentum. I'll wager you $10 that TFC is the next Toronto sports franchise to bring a Championship to TO (we're not counting the f-ing Rock by the way, no pussy Lacrosse team).

    5 - Just being able to watch football again on a weekly basis. Hands down the best sport in the world. There is an artistry and a beauty to the game, it's the purest and simplest sports. All you need is ball and jumpers for goal posts as Jimmy Hill would say.

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